When Seasons Converge

Okay, it's been an unusually warm winter, so the daffodils resemble the kids in 3rd grade who grew extra fast so that the teacher has to bring in a couple 5th grade desks....but the seasons I'm talking about involve youth sports. Today, my newly minted 11 year old has a basketball playoff game, to which we must bring, in addition to the b-ball uniform, all his lacrosse gear so we can immediately head out to lacrosse tryouts...after that, we get to relax (read do laundry, vacuum, make dinner) for about two hours until it's time to get him dressed and over the elementary school's annual variety show, timed for this weekend, I suppose...to hit the sports hiatus?

Differentiated Instruction for the Real World

Good morning, class. Today, we’re going to have a two part outcome based wholly on the interest inventory I was required – I mean, delighted – to give you on the first day of class.

Okay, so today our outcome will be to apply your amazingly varied interests to the literature through both movement and writing, because, as you know, with our 90 minute class periods, I’m mandated to provide you with wholesome physical fitness in addition to rigorous content.

All right then. Group 1 will be composed of those students who stated that their chief interest was - let's see here - "writing gang symbols on the desktops." That's those of you who have lost track of your natural waistline, believing it falls just below the buttocks. Okay, you guys will meet back here. Your writing activity will be to compose a series of vanity plates Hester Prynne might have composed while in prison with her illegitimate infant. Here’s an example: I LV DMSDL. The anachronism of license plate in the 1600s shouldn’t confound you, as, presumably, you’ve paid as much attention in history as you’ve paid in my class. Now, every ten minutes or so, one of you should call out, “Drop and give me five,” and the others should comply. No questions? Okay, then.

Group 2 will be those of you who wrote “IDK” in response to every question on the interest inventory. Your writing assignment will be to compose a series of text messages that Tessie Hutchinson might have sent during the course of “The Lottery.” Remember, she gets increasingly indignant and frantic as the story proceeds, so just imagine that I had the audacity to take your cell phones, and you’ll be able to get the mood just right. Calm down, I'm not really taking your phones, so stop texting OMG to your BFF and sit over here. Your aerobic activity will be to text your completed assignment to me – that shouldn’t take you too long, as you have very nimble keyboarding skills. All set?

Group 3 will be those students who indicated an interest in "preparing for a future as a diva on Real Housewives of Charm City." Since that will require you to engage in high-pitched conflict pretty much around the clock, I’ve planned a great lesson to build skills for your future. Sit here by the door. You are going to write a scene – and then throw a scene – in the voices of Abigail and the other “bewitched” girls from The Crucible. Because we don’t want you stationary too long, every so often, please run screaming from the classroom, preferably while demonstrating a legit, sassy attitude. Got it?

Finally, Group 4 will be those students who did the reading assignment and are prepared to discuss today’s literary selection. So, both of you sit up here, and I’ll be working with you on how to write a literary analysis essay. Your aerobic activity will be waving bye-bye to the rest of the class as they head off to summer school.

Too Amused to Learn

Most of my students would not recognize the reasoning behind the use of two different words - to and too - in the title (nor would they necessarily remember the third form in this sentence). If they could explain it, they would still be hard pressed to distinguish between an infinitive use of "to" and a prepositional use of the same word.
They simply can't absorb grammar. They are having too much fun - I mean - 2 mch fn - with their constant companions, their dearly beloved, their cell phones. When I started teaching, cell phones were - well - phones. People used them to call one another, and that generally did not occur during class. Now, they do it all, and the more the phones do, the commensurately less the students seem able to accomplish.
I am a tech savvy person. I help students create a yearbook using digital photography and computer generated layouts. I can handle almost any trick my smartboard is able to dish out. But I can't compete with the innate fascination of the cell phone. I can't compete, nor do I really want to.
So that's it. We're through, I mean threw, I mean thru...

Thank You For Your Inattention

Dear Students,

If you use your cell phone to text in class, I will bag and tag it. Your “reminder” that some teachers are nice falls on deaf ears. If I were “nice” - in your vernacular - I would not have taken it, and if I am NOT nice, your helpful hints will not sway me. You would understand the logic behind this conundrum IF YOU EVER PAID ATTENTION to the lesson.

Thank you for your inattention.