Uncle Ben's Whole Grain Advice

My great-great-etc. Uncle Ben Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise,” and although I’ve been assiduously following that advice for years, I’m certainly not wealthy and as for wisdom – well, not so much.

As a high school teacher whose first period class begins at 7:17 am – an hour when most people might prefer to be fighting with the snooze alarm – I’m used to getting up at 5:15. And forget the snooze alarm for me; Lucius Meowfoy waits outside my door and starts mewling her hunger pangs the minute my alarm rings. Faced with such an early morning, I try to get to bed in a timely manner so I can take on the forces of high school without risk of collapse.

So, Uncle Ben, I’m following your advice. While I do feel reasonably healthy, where’s the wealth and wisdom I was supposed to have gained by this time?

As I thought this over, I realized that back in Uncle Ben’s day, the only potential for dissipation occurred as the sun drifted over the horizon. People who worked at (often) physical jobs were exhausted by that time, ready to blow out the candles and call it a night. The partyers, on the other hand, hung out at the local tavern, squandering their hard earned coins on ale and cards, gaining neither wealth nor wisdom in the process.

Nowadays, we don’t need to wait until the sun sets to start squandering our time, energy, or other resources. The television and computer offer both around-the-clock entertainment and around-the-clock shopping. No matter how early one settles down for the night or rises in the morning, someone’s always ready to trade your earnings for any number of wonderful “must-haves” for modern living.

So, Uncle Ben, what’s the modern-dweller to do? Is there any advice for the likes of me? I await your reply forthwith.