I enjoyed seeing all my “big kids” over Christmas – as did
the little guys. Austin and Trevor are
missing having human jungle gyms over whom to clamber, and Fred and I just don’t
fill the bill. Elyse took off for Europe the day after Christmas, and we’re
previewing what the family will be like without her as she leaves in late
January for a job in Dubai.
As excited as I am for her big adventure, I am melancholy over another child moving to far off places. Dustin is pretty well settled in LA, and even when he thinks about another job, he doesn’t seem to think about this coast. Joe is not so far, in Philly. However, while he’s technically in my time zone, in reality, I’m getting ready to wake up as he’s getting ready to call it a night, so we don’t connect too often. Another way in which I don’t connect with my kids is in our preferred life paths. The biggies are about to turn 23, 25, and 27. When I was those ages, I was getting married, and giving birth to my first and second children, respectively.
As excited as I am for her big adventure, I am melancholy over another child moving to far off places. Dustin is pretty well settled in LA, and even when he thinks about another job, he doesn’t seem to think about this coast. Joe is not so far, in Philly. However, while he’s technically in my time zone, in reality, I’m getting ready to wake up as he’s getting ready to call it a night, so we don’t connect too often. Another way in which I don’t connect with my kids is in our preferred life paths. The biggies are about to turn 23, 25, and 27. When I was those ages, I was getting married, and giving birth to my first and second children, respectively.
My kids show no inclination to settle down, seeing that as
something to consider in their 30s if at all. Although I celebrate their
ability to see the life choices they want and to make them (and I would never,
ever, ever suggest anyone have children unless they were absolutely certain
they wanted them), the fact remains, that on a visceral level, I just can’t
wrap my head around the idea that none of my kids seem to have the same desires
for family that I had at their ages. It may be that a close-up look at child
rearing via Austin and Trevor has made them more self-aware than I ever was. Certainly,
my own desire for having children in my life has been guided more by a genetic
pull to procreate than by a rational consideration for the ideal family
size. Every time I hear Fred, Austin,
and Trevor yelling at one another – apparently the preferred mode of communication
among people of their particular branch of the Y chromosome – I wonder if I
ever made any rational decisions whatsoever. It’s funny how one can both
academically bright and fundamentally idiotic, but I seem to have perfected
that mix.
Well, mine are pretty much in that same generational camp. No rush, no worries. On introspection I don't seem to mind very much.
ReplyDeleteI am certain my procreating was driven by something other than cool consideration...there was a hard to ignore internal imperative at work in both the desire to partner up and the drive to have kids. Even hitting the saturation point was a partially visceral decision, although I'd started to try exercising pragmatism by then too.